Abandon Read online

  Their volley caused exhaustion to press behind my eyes. “It doesn’t matter,” I said, effectively cutting off Saffediene’s retort. “Can we get around the barrier if we go over the water?”

  “I think so.”

  “That’s not good enough.”

  She crossed her arms and stuck out her hip. “Then, yes.”

  “Do you know? Or are you guessing?” Someone had to be a jerk, and more often than not that responsibility landed on me. I caught Vi’s sigh, but I didn’t apologize or back down. This was my job. Keeping people safe—running the Resistance—was more important than coming off as everyone’s friend.

  “I’m guessing,” Saffediene admitted.

  Raking my fingers through my hair, I exhaled slowly. “Well, a guess is better than throwing a stick at the barrier and hoping it comes down.”

  “Jag—” Gunner started.

  I usually listened to every word he spoke, because he didn’t talk unless absolutely necessary. But I silenced him with a glare. “We’re going over the water.”

  “Jag—” Vi said.

  “No questions,” I barked. “Gather as many warm clothes as you can. Charge the boards. Pace, tether two extras to yours. We fly at dusk. Vi, I’d like a word.”

  I left them standing in the war room. I didn’t wait to see if Vi would follow me. She would.

  When she joined me in the alcove off the main room, her glower had become a cut-through-tech glare.

  I didn’t have time to soothe her. “Can you sense the barrier?”

  “What?” she snapped. “Now you need my help? I thought I was to ride behind Zenn and keep my mouth shut.”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You didn’t have to.”

  I felt dangerously close to crying. Vi was mad at me. Zenn was uncooperative. Thane was to be drained. “I’m doing my best here, Vi. Please.” I pressed my palms to my eye sockets.

  Vi touched my elbow, and that’s all it took for the tears to fall. I kept my hands up to cover my face. She yanked my arms down. “Don’t you dare break down now, Barque,” she commanded.

  I looked at her through the water in my eyes. Her beauty made me ache. “I can’t do this anymore,” I choked out. “It’s too much.”

  “No, it’s not. We’ll get Thane out. Raine too. Everything will work out fine. Yeah, I can sense the barrier.”

  “Not that. That’ll work, or it won’t.”

  She frowned. “Then what?”

  I seized her in a fierce hug. Instantly the turmoil inside me began to quiet. I wished she wasn’t my drug, wished I could find solace in myself. But I couldn’t. Since the day I met Violet Schoenfeld, she’d calmed me from the inside out.

  “You,” I whispered into her hair. “I just want you to be safe. If anything happened to you . . .” I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against hers. “I just need you to sense the barrier. That’s all. Zenn will be there to protect you, okay?”

  “I don’t need Ze—”

  “Yes, you do. Thane took you once. Made you forget. I can’t go through that again.”

  “Where were you all this time?” she asked, in a classic Vi-topic-change.

  No one needed to know where I’d been, what I’d gone through. If she thought she couldn’t sleep now, Vi didn’t know the depth of nightmares she’d have if I told her.

  I clung to her a moment longer. “Zenn’s flying mid-pack, but you guys will need to fly frontal with me until we make it around the barrier.”

  I ignored the flare of disappointment that rippled through me when I released her. The twinge of guilt when she stepped back, those changeable eyes of hers set on super-angry.

  I’d taken three steps toward the war room when she said, “Will you ever tell me?”

  I half turned back. “I can’t.”

  “Can’t, or won’t?”

  “They’re the same,” I said.

  “We shouldn’t keep secrets from each other,” she said. “You told me that.”

  I bowed my head to acknowledge that she was right. Had I told her that? Yes. Should we keep secrets from one another? No.

  “I love you,” I said, and walked away.

  Zenn

  6. Next to me, Vi flew silently, her left hand held out to her side as if she was letting her fingers trail along a wall. In essence, she was. Vi can feel tech, and the barrier created a wall she could “see” with her hands. She’d been careful not to make contact as she guided us.

  In front of her, Jag rode his hoverboard as expertly as ever. Whatever had happened to him during his eight-month disappearance hadn’t affected his flying ability.

  Part of me admired that; another part wished he’d come back more broken. He remained as mysterious as ever, keeping people out and fortifying his barricades.

  We’d been soaring over open water for fifteen minutes. Gunn rode in tight next to Saffediene, his face pinched with worry. I couldn’t decide if it was because of the thirty-foot drop, the mission, or the fact that Raine was in danger.

  But hey, she knew the risks of running missions with the Resistance. He did too.

  I switched my thoughts to the insane half plan we’d concocted. Our mission: Fly to Rise One, bust in, take Thane and Raine, and hightail it back to the ocean.

  Not stellar. Especially considering the length of the flight, and the fact that just because the sky had settled into ashy evening didn’t mean there wouldn’t be EOs out in abundance.

  “Here,” Vi said, her voice whipping away with the wind. “Jag! The tech is gone.”

  I slowed my board to a stop, as did everyone else. All eyes rested on Vi.

  Jag inhaled, exhaled, before launching the rock he’d brought with him. Gunner cringed, expecting it to hit the techtric barrier and spark into jets of light.

  Instead, the rock arced through the air, landing in the water a good thirty feet away.

  Jag urged his board forward, almost at a crawl. He didn’t fry to a crisp, much to my partial disappointment. The other half of me felt nothing but relief, especially when Vi glared at me with knowledge in her eyes.

  “What?” I asked, though I knew exactly what.

  We began the twenty-minute flight back to land, Vi still fondling the techtricity from the barrier. I watched the half smile form on her face, and it scared me. I didn’t know what Jag had said to her, but that smile—that was Vi’s way of sticking it to him.

  I’d seen her direct it at her mother enough to know.

  She caught me looking at her. “What?” she asked.

  I shook my head even as I heard her think, You can’t put me in the middle of the pack, Mr. Leader of the Cracking Resistance.

  I wanted to fly closer and hug her. Tell her I’d never force her to do anything she didn’t want to. Prove to her that everything I’d done was for her and only her. Instead I turned my face toward Freedom and quelled the roiling in my gut.

  * * *

  Freedom suffocated me, stealing the oxygen in the air and turning it into cement. The city lay still, as if holding its breath—as if it knew we were coming.

  “Enforcement Officers,” Saffediene said, pointing toward the Rises. Sure enough, the ultrawhite light of tech haloed the Officers as they swarmed through the streets.

  More than fifty, maybe more than one hundred, all heading straight for us as we lapped over the last of the waves and flew above the sandy beach below.

  “This is bad,” I said to no one in particular.

  “Evasive maneuvers,” Jag called. “Find a spot to hide. Reconvene on the roof of Rise Twelve, midnight.”

  Then he disappeared down the coast and into the inky night, leaving the rest of us to save ourselves.

  I watched him go, crazy-mad, until I remembered that he’d charged me with protecting Vi. Neither one of us could be taken again. I couldn’t withstand the brainwashing—if I survived at all.

  Now that Vi didn’t have Thane’s protective buffer, she absolutely couldn’t be caught. With her powers, Director Hight
ower would strip her of her identity, mold her into a clone of himself.

  “Vi! This way!” I flew along the barrier on the southern edge of the city. To my right the orchards were just starting to bud, and the branches would provide decent cover for a few hours.

  The Insiders had a hideout in the Western Blocks, and that would be our destination. I crouched low, satisfied when Vi copied me. We flew at treetop level, dodging the occasional rogue limb that grew higher than the others.

  “We need to get to the Blocks,” I said.

  If she didn’t know what that meant, she didn’t show it. One of the many things I loved about Vi. She was as unafraid as they come. Fiercely determined. And crazy-quick at improvising.

  The faintest of sounds met my ears. I whipped around to find Saffediene and Gunner zooming behind us. Part of me rejoiced to see them and another part groaned at the large target the four of us created.

  Shouts filled the air. The crackle of tasers followed, their super-hot light made it look like lightning had struck the orchard. I saw hoverboards with dark shapes flying in all directions.

  “We’ve gotta get out of here!” I yelled to Gunn. “Block Twenty-Four!”

  He waved his arm to show he heard me.

  “Vi, let’s get down under cover,” I said. She nosed her board into the trees.

  We flew.

  * * *

  Reaching the outer Blocks took forever. I thought for sure midnight had come and gone. At least we’d left behind the debilitating spark of the tasers.

  We’d taken to the ground an hour earlier in an effort to save the energy in our boards. I rounded the corner and entered an alley between two buildings, sure I’d see the familiar sight of Block Twenty—which had a tunnel to Twenty-Four.

  I didn’t. I swore under my breath, and Vi caught my eye. She couldn’t help me navigate the city; she’d spent the majority of her time in Freedom under the influence of Thane’s voice. Or mine. Or both.

  Sometimes the guilt crippled me. Sadness pooled in my chest, right where my heart struggled to beat against it.

  We both looked helplessly to Gunner, because he grew up in the Blocks and should be able to determine where we were. Saffediene kept her back to us, scoping out the possible danger behind us.

  “Block Thirty,” Gunn said, peering down the alley. “We’re too far north.” He twisted back the way we came.

  “No,” Saffediene said. “This is Twenty.”

  Gunner’s face remained unreadable, except for the tiny muscle below his right eye, which twitched once. “I think it’s Thirty. See the water tower? Those were built in the Upper Blocks.”

  Saffediene followed his pointed finger before pulling her sleeve down to cover her palm. She rubbed at something on the nearly pristine wall. The silver flaked off, revealing a patch of black underneath.

  “Twenty,” she proclaimed, as if the faux surface explained it all.

  “I don’t get it,” Vi said, voicing my thoughts exactly.

  “Director Hightower was having the Blocks re-teched. They made it to the mid-twenties before Gunn and Jag escaped, and he pulled all his people into security.” She rubbed at the building again. “That black stuff is CoverAll. The Insiders marked all the Blocks concealing tunnels in increments of ten. It was my first mission.”

  “It could still be Block Thirty, then,” Gunn argued.

  “It could be, but it’s not,” Saffediene answered. She beamed at me, waiting for me to agree with her.

  “How do you know?” I asked, hoping she was right. Then I wouldn’t have gotten us lost.

  “Like I said, the re-teching didn’t get as high as Thirty. The buildings are black in the Upper Blocks, not silver. You’ll see when we come out at Twenty-Four.” She strode forward, her slight shoulders strong and sure, her blond braid bouncing along her back. “Can you disable this, Gunn? That silver stuff has recording capabilities.”

  “Know-it-all,” Gunn muttered as he took up the rear position.

  I didn’t care if Saffediene annoyed him. I just wanted to get out of range of the building’s recording capabilities. Our salvation came at the end of the alley, when Saffediene indicated the tunnel door.

  Only darkness yawned behind it. I took a deep breath, hoping there’d be more oxygen inside this pit than in our Resistance hideout.

  Hesitating, I reached for Vi’s hand and gripped it tightly in mine. Her returning squeeze led me to believe that she was just as unfond of dark, enclosed spaces as I was. Finally, common ground.

  I breathed again, and then again, wishing for another way to reach Block Twenty-Four. If only we had a transporter ring or—

  “Go!” Gunn hissed. “I think I see—” The rest of his words ground to a halt as a strobing light filled the alley, and the reflective surfaces of the newly teched buildings flashed with the word “FREEZE.”

  I scrambled into the dark doorway as the alarm sounded. Vi, Saffediene, and Gunn squeezed in after me, and then we were all running blind.

  * * *

  Inside the dark, it’s harder to hide. No one can see me, which allows me to see myself clearly.

  I see how I tricked Vi in the Goodgrounds. How I brainwashed her to carry that tracker. A ring. The symbol of love.

  I do love her. I love her so much it hurts. In the dark, that lays exposed too.

  I see how I left Jag. How I told him I had other things going on in my life so I couldn’t help his Resistance, when really I wanted to save my own skin. And get the girl.

  I can’t lie in the dark. I quit the Resistance because I wanted Vi to myself. I knew that if I continued working for the Resistance, her father would get his hooks into her. I couldn’t risk her then.

  I can’t now.

  The darkness reveals it all.

  The slow hammering of my heart. The quick gasps of my breath. The fear in my footsteps.

  I can’t outrun myself in the dark. I’ve never been able to.

  In the dark, I see how I helped Thane, even when I wasn’t 100 percent sure he was good. I’m still not sure if he’s on my side or with the Association. I hear my voice telling Vi dangerous lies. I see her glazed expression.

  I see the adoration in her eyes, the adoration I don’t deserve.

  That causes a crazy-lotta pain to gather in my limbs.

  And then we reach the end of the tunnel, and I’m gasping, and Gunner’s talking, and Saffediene leads, and I take one look at Vi and see—

  she knows.

  She can see me. The real me. She knows what I’ve done for her, and she loves me for it. I want to hide from the emotion in her eyes. I’m afraid of its truth; I’m terrified that it still won’t be enough.

  “Come on,” she says, gingerly lacing her fingers through mine. “Zenn, come on.”

  I’d follow her to hell and back, and so I go.

  Jag

  7. Leaving Vi with Zenn took every ounce of my self-control. Still, I’d charged him with her care, and even if he’d abandoned me once before, I knew he’d never do that to her. His sorry-I-can’t-help-you thing only seemed to apply to me.

  And if the Enforcement Officers wanted me, the smartest thing to do was to separate myself from the others. That way no one would get hurt because of me.

  I’d been separating myself for years.

  Living in isolation had saved me countless times. Drawing on that independence forced me to learn how to survive.

  Don’t think about how Irv went missing. Where could he be?

  Don’t think about what the Greenies will do now that you won’t wear the implant. What would they try next?

  Don’t think about seeing Mom and Dad die. Why did I beg to go to the market with them?

  Don’t think about Blaze alone in the alley in Freedom. How could I have sent him on that mission?

  Don’t think about enduring the endless flames of that dark capsule.

  I shuddered, hot dread settling in my stomach. I would never feel a release from that heat. Never find a way to tell Vi about it.


  Stop, I told myself in my most commanding voice. I definitely couldn’t think about where I’d been while Vi was in Freedom. It was why I hadn’t slept well in weeks.

  Every time I shut my eyes, I was transported inside that capsule again. So I didn’t sleep very much.

  I aimed my board toward the ground at a way-too-steep angle. The Enforcement Officers coming my way didn’t slow or change direction. And why would they? They didn’t have independent thought. They’d been told to take me out, and they wouldn’t stop until they did.

  I didn’t want to draw further attention to myself, so I buried my voice and pulled my hood over my head. I could take these guys with just a hoverboard.

  I wove through them, bumping off a body here and a helmet there. They couldn’t change direction as fast as I could, and I’d swooped past them before they realized I was even there.

  Rise One loomed in front of me, but I cut a wide arc to the north, setting my sights on Rise Twelve. I wondered who was in charge now that Thane was gone. I wondered how much damage he’d done to the system I’d established years ago.

  Could I have asked Zenn? Sure, but I didn’t trust him the way I used to.

  Could I have asked Indy? Maybe if she wasn’t so busy punching my lights out.

  I’d never trusted Thane as Director of Rise Twelve. Everything he’d done since I met him screamed Informant!

  Then when I became the leader of the Resistance—and my brother Blaze died in the alley so close to Rise Twelve—I wasn’t sure I could ever believe Thane again.

  Yet here I was, risking everything to save him.

  I told myself it was because he held Resistance secrets the Association couldn’t have. With a determination I hadn’t felt in a long time, I descended to the roof of Rise Twelve.

  I had exactly two seconds to breathe and only one foot on the ground when a group of people leapt up from behind a flower bed.

  “Who are you?”

  “What do you want?”

  “Kick the board over here.”

  I flipped my hood down. “Relax. I’m Jag Barque,” I said in my most authoritative voice.

  They all stopped talking. One guy actually relaxed against a bench.