To Be Yours Read online

  To Be Yours

  A YA Contemporary Romance Novel

  Elana Johnson

  AEJ Creative Works

  Contents

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  1. Eden

  Found on the refrigerator at Young Manor:

  2. Grayson

  An excerpt from Eden’s letter:

  3. Eden

  Found on the paper cup in the bathroom:

  4. Grayson

  The last paragraph in Eden’s letter from her father:

  5. Eden

  Stamped in the snow just outside the hut:

  6. Grayson

  Amount of Eden’s last paycheck from the Collinworth Medical Center:

  7. Eden

  Text received by Lucas Young, 5:17 PM, Saturday:

  8. Grayson

  Found on a scrap of paper on Eden’s desk:

  9. Eden

  Lines Grayson Young had used on girls:

  10. Grayson

  The part of Eden’s letter about boys:

  11. Eden

  Unsent text found on Grayson’s phone:

  12. Grayson

  You never know what you can become until you try.

  13. Eden

  If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.

  14. Grayson

  Emergency phone call recording:

  15. Eden

  Text from Eden:

  16. Grayson

  Part of Eden’s letter from her father:

  17. Eden

  A note found on Eden’s desk in health class:

  18. Grayson

  Part of Eden’s letter to her father:

  19. Eden

  Found on the notepad at a hotel:

  20. Grayson

  Excerpt from Eden’s journal:

  21. Eden

  Found in Grayson’s locker after school on Friday:

  22. Grayson

  Texting between girls:

  23. Eden

  Grayson’s letter to his mother:

  24. Grayson

  More of Eden’s letter to her father:

  25. Eden

  When boys text:

  26. Grayson

  Voicemail to Grayson, 10:26 PM:

  27. Eden

  Grayon’s letter to his mother, Part 2:

  28. Grayson

  Eden’s letter to Grayson:

  29. Eden

  Text from Grayson to Eden:

  30. Grayson

  Text from Grayson to Eden on moving day:

  31. Eden

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  1

  Eden

  “I can’t believe I let you talk me into coming here again.” I picked up the single-sheet menu and pretended to look at it. “I’m the one who needs consolation. I should’ve gotten to pick the place.”

  “Third Thursday.” My brother, Josh, slid me look over the top of his menu. “You like the shrimp rolls. You’ve had those before.”

  I glanced my way into the sushi restaurant, but this place could actually be called a dive—and it would go with the fishy theme. A certain stench hung in the air, and I almost bolted.

  “I don’t understand why you like kelp,” I said, shifting in the booth. The cheap vinyl made a slurping sound as the duct tape that had been holding it together came loose.

  “It’s an acquired taste, Eden.” He grinned at me, his dark eyes shining though there was hardly any light coming from the bare bulb—definitely a dive—above us. They probably kept it dim on purpose, so customers couldn’t see what they were putting in their mouths.

  Josh and I ate out every Thursday night, because it was the night Terry had to work late at the hospital and Mom ordered pizza when our step-dad did that. We’d arrive back at the House of Chaos in time to help her get all the littles to bed, and not a minute sooner. Josh and I had perfected the timing over the past year of working our way around all the eating establishments in Collinworth, the tiny ski town in Idaho where we lived.

  We’d been everywhere, and sometimes when it wasn’t winter, we drove to nearby Twin Falls. But in February, we stayed in town, and Josh got to pick the restaurant every first and third Thursday.

  “What’ll it be?” I glanced up at the nasally voice, finding a bored man with a very large chin. I ordered the shrimp rolls and waited while Josh ordered half the menu. The waiter didn’t write anything down before walking away.

  “I don’t see how you’ll eat all that.”

  “Have I ever let you down?” Josh spread his arms across the table. “Now tell me you’ve decided to come up to Sun Valley with me tomorrow.” His enthusiasm for a weekend of skiing was almost infectious. Almost. “Four-day weekend.”

  I couldn’t suppress my smile forever, and I let a sliver of it show on my face. Josh seized onto it and practically lunged across the table to scrub my hair. “I knew you’d relent.”

  “It’s only ‘cause I don’t want to spend the next four days cooped up in the house with the kids.”

  Josh leaned back, some of his humor evaporating. “I can’t believe Mom asked you to babysit overnight.”

  “Why wouldn’t she?” I’d babysat a lot over the past seven years—since Mom remarried and started having babies like she was trying to repopulate the earth. A set of twin boys was followed by two girls, giving her and Terry four kids under the age of six.

  Oh, and Josh and me. We still lived there too, with Josh only three months and ten days away from graduating and leaving me alone with the Chaos for a whole extra year. I’d been panicking about it at random times, like when the morning announcements at school included things like, “Be sure to turn in your graduation deposit by Friday!” or “Seniors, the all-night party has been scheduled! See the poster in the student center and sign up to reserve your spot.”

  Josh and I had been close since babydom. Irish twins—Mom’s always been Fertile Myrtle—he was only eleven months older than me.

  “She just shouldn’t go away overnight and leave you in charge of everything.” Josh’s expression darkened. “Promise me you won’t let her pull that crap when I’m gone.”

  My stomach flipped and not only because the waiter set down a tray of sushi rolls that had the thickest layer of kelp I’d ever seen. “I won’t,” I promised. I swallowed hard to keep the emotion building in my chest where it belonged. Deep down. “Thanks for inviting me on the ski trip. Grayson won’t be upset, will he?”

  Josh eyed me for a moment before digging into the disgusting sushi. “Are you kidding?” he said around a mouthful of fish and rice. He swallowed and stared openly. “He invited you specifically. He’s been pestering me about talking to you about it for weeks.”

  I frowned, that emotion shooting to the top of my skull, coating my tongue, making my eyes hot. “Why would he do that? He knows I don’t ski.”

  “He knows you have in the past.”

  “That’s only because he knows everything about me.” We’d grown up in Collinworth together and he was Josh’s best friend. I saw a lot of Grayson Young, whether I wanted to or not. Sometimes I did, and sometimes I didn’t. Right now, I was in the undecided category.

  “You’d really rather spend ten hours in the car with Mom and the kids? And then babysit while she goes shopping with her sister?” Josh’s right eyebrow cocked, the way it always did when he was trying to prove a point or make me laugh.

  “Mom said I c
ould stay home alone.”

  “With Terry.” He refused to look away. “Just come with me. We’re driving up tomorrow morning. Not early,” he rushed to add. “I know you like your beauty sleep.”

  I rolled my eyes. I’d been wearing my more-brown-than-auburn hair in a ponytail for two years, and I usually left the house wearing only mascara and lip gloss. Nothing beautiful about me.

  Josh chuckled and finished off his appetizer. “Seriously, Eden. It’ll be fun.”

  “Grayson’s bringing his brothers, yeah?”

  “Both of them, yeah. Their cabin is like a resort. Don’t let the word ‘cabin’ fool you.”

  “I’ve heard all about it from Grayson.” He sat behind me and one row over in health class, and he’d whispered all about the cabin for the past week trying to get me to come.

  “He likes you, you know.”

  I met Josh’s eye, that brother-sister understanding passing between us. My heart softened, and I wished I could properly explain why I held Grayson at double-arms-length. But I’d have to know for myself first.

  “He’s not my type,” I finally said.

  “Rich, muscular, and smart isn’t your type?”

  “I’m not into athletes. Especially baseball players.”

  “You’re an athlete.”

  “Which is how I know I don’t want to date one.”

  “You don’t date anyone.”

  “This argument is old,” I said. “Can you please not?”

  He held up one hand in acquiescence, and I relaxed into the booth. “How long does sushi take? They don’t even have to cook anything.” I glanced in the direction the waiter had gone.

  “So?” Josh asked. “The ski trip? Cabin-slash-resort? Hot Grayson attending to your every need?”

  I couldn’t help the laugh that slipped past my vocal chords. Grayson did land at about an eight on the attractiveness scale, what with his hair the color of dark chocolate. Some of the previous girls he’d dated had sworn up and down that their fingers got caught in his hair, so thick and “luxurious” as it was. Their words, not mine. I hadn’t touched his hair since yanking on it in fifth grade so he’d give back my package of grape bubble gum.

  “I need to let him know if you’re coming or not,” he said. “He’s having the maid set up the rooms tomorrow morning.”

  “Oh, the maid.” That right there almost made me change my mind. But I’d already decided. “I’ll go.” I glanced away as the waiter arrived with the rest of the food. The sight of it set my guts rolling, but Josh dug in with vigor. I pinched one shrimp roll between my thumb and forefinger and dipped it in the sweet ginger sauce. Coated in enough candied ginger, anything would taste good. Right?

  “I’m glad you’re coming, sis,” Josh said when he finally stopped stuffing his face. “It wouldn’t be good for you to be home alone.”

  “I know.” I met his eye again. “Thanks.” That one word said more than my appreciation, and Josh smiled before attacking his bento box.

  * * *

  The following morning, I stood on the front porch of Casa de Crazy as Josh loaded his skis in the back of Grayson’s giant gray truck. My coat already seemed too thin, and we weren’t even up on the mountain yet.

  Grayson approached, a mega-watt smile on his face. When he grinned like that, he definitely knocked himself up a couple of notches on the good-looks scale. No wonder he had girls fawning over him.

  “Thanks for inviting me,” I said as I handed him my bag, a shiver running through me that only had to do with the wind. “Josh told you I don’t have skis or anything, right?”

  “We have lots at the cabin.” He took my bag and went back the way he’d come, leaving me with the image of his impressive muscles and a whiff of his Alpine Breeze cologne. I’d given it to him for his birthday last year, and a smile settled onto my face as he lifted my bag over the tailgate.

  Josh bounded up the steps, his giddiness seeping through me as he passed. “I just need my bag, my wallet, and my phone charger.” He stopped. “Did you get yours? And Mom said she wants the address of the cabin. Will you ask Grayson for it?”

  “I got my charger,” I said. “Yes, I’ll ask Grayson.” I turned in his direction to find him loitering on the bottom step. “Hey, come in for a sec.”

  “Sure thing.” He followed me inside, where I had him write down the address to his cabin. He charmed my mom until she was giggling the way the cheerleaders did when Grayson walked by, and I scoffed under my breath at the exchange. He was good, though, I’d give him that. Mom didn’t normally let us stay overnight somewhere else, especially when there wouldn’t be any adults present.

  Maybe she didn’t know. “Time to go,” Josh said, a backpack slung over his shoulder. “Mom, I’m taking this box of granola bars, all right?” He shook the chocolate-covered bars in their box, only adding to the noise surrounding us. The twins sat at the dining room table, making shooting sounds as they banged action figures against the wood. The girls had the TV on at a deafening volume in the front room, my dog Bubba barked a few times before he sat down at my feet, and Mom had something playing on her laptop, the breakfast she’d been making now burning on the stove.

  Mom nodded, her strawberry blonde hair bobbing against her chin. “You guys have fun. Call me when you get there. Watch the weather for Monday. Looks good right now, though.”

  She hugged me, and I took a deep breath of her the way I always did when I left the house. Something about her creamy, flowery smell calmed me, reminded me that we were family. When I pulled back, I looked her right in the face now that we were the same height. I tried to find any trace of myself in her, but she was light where I was dark. She was freckly where I was porcelain. She was bubbly and happy-go-lucky while I was serious and contemplative.

  “Love you,” I squeezed through my throat before I followed Grayson and Josh outside. Both my brother and I had more of our dad in us than our mom. A pinch started in my chest, and I touched Josh’s arm to get him to stop before he got in the truck.

  He took one look at my face and halted. “Eden,” he said. “Not this weekend, okay?”

  “Dad liked to ski.” I wasn’t really asking. I had three photo albums in my bedroom, and several of the pictures showed Dad on the slopes of Sun Valley, grinning for all he was worth.

  Sadness tinged Josh’s smile. “He sure did.” He slung his arm around my shoulder. “But this weekend is about fun,” he said. “Don’t get all caught up in your head.”

  I nodded, climbed in Grayson’s truck, and slid into the middle to make room for my brother. Behind us on the second row of seats, Lucas and Darren sat, both with electronics distracting them.

  I briefly thought about putting in my ear buds and queuing up some music on my phone so Grayson and Josh could talk around me, but Grayson fiddled with the radio. “What do you like, Eden?”

  “Anything.”

  “Not true,” he countered. “You said once you don’t like rap.”

  “No one in Idaho likes rap.”

  He chuckled and pressed another button. “What about country?”

  “If it’s not too twangy.”

  “She doesn’t like country,” Josh said, sliding his own ear buds into his ears. “Don’t make her mad on the drive up, Gray.”

  I glared at Josh, who didn’t notice, and switched my attention back to Grayson. “I don’t care, honestly. Whatever you want is fine.”

  “X1,” he said, pushing a final button. “Popular hits of the nineties to now.” The music filtered through the cab at a decent volume—loud enough not to have to talk, but quiet enough to still be able to think—and Grayson set the truck on the road.

  We ascended through the canyon, but the music didn’t fuzz out the way it did in Josh’s car, because Grayson had satellite radio in his fancy-pants truck. We made small talk about the soccer team, my job at the hospital, and Grayson’s brothers. He never brought up baseball, which I found odd. I didn’t give him anything significant about myself, my feeling
s about being the starting sweeper on the girl’s soccer team, or how cleaning up in the surgical wing didn’t really bother me.

  No one besides Josh ever got information about how I really felt about things. Well, at least since my dad had died. Memories of him came swift and strong, and despite my best efforts to do what Josh had said, I got lost inside my own thoughts.