To Be Yours Read online

  I reached for my plate, but Terry said, “Guests don’t work. Eden.”

  She lifted my plate and allowed me to put my silverware on it, her eyes flitting to mine and dancing away just as quickly. Luke picked at the chips and salsa to lessen the awkwardness as we watched their family clean up dinner. Darren picked up his own dishes and put them in the sink, where the two seven-year-olds stood on stools and made a bigger mess than they were cleaning up.

  “Well, what are you kids up to now?” Eden’s mom wiped the table. “You can have the TV room downstairs, if you’d like.” She sounded like she didn’t care if we stayed here and watched a movie, and the horrified look on Eden’s face almost made me laugh.

  I certainly didn’t want to go back to my house, and the way Luke and Darren waited for my decision said they didn’t want to either. I touched Eden’s elbow and glanced toward the hall. She followed me in that direction, and the roar of the four little kids and the dishwasher dimmed slightly.

  “Can we stay?” I asked. “We…” I stuck my hands in my pockets.

  Eden’s fingers brushed mine, and I wished she’d hold on longer. I understood why she didn’t, and I backed up a step. “I think we’d like to stay, if you don’t care. Put a movie on. Wait until Josh gets home.”

  She tilted her head slightly, her eyes searching mine for something. Whether she found it or not, I wasn’t sure. But she said, “All right,” and turned back to the kitchen. “Mom, we’ll watch a movie.”

  Her mother all but squealed. “I’ll make caramel popcorn.”

  “We just ate,” Eden said.

  “Caramel popcorn sounds amazing, Mrs. Myers,” I said over Eden’s head. She spun to glare at me. “What? It does.”

  “Traitor,” she hissed under her breath as she edged away from me and started down the stairs. Luke and Darren flashed grateful glances in my direction as they followed her, but I took a few extra seconds to absorb the atmosphere at Eden’s house. Her mom moved around the kitchen with ease, pulling out butter and brown sugar.

  Way in the back of my memory, something sparked. My mother standing in the kitchen, creaming butter and sugar with eggs and vanilla. She used to make the best pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, and I could practically taste them in that moment.

  My heart twisted painfully. I hadn’t thought I wanted to say good-bye. I thought I didn’t have anything to say. I thought Dad had been weak, or lying, when he said she was sick and deserved our love, respect, and help.

  But I knew now she was sick. Mentally sick. I realized that she’d been well in the past. She’d been a good mom. She probably still was, buried beneath whichever demons held her captive.

  “You okay, Grayson?” Mrs. Meyers stepped up to me, and I startled out of my thoughts.

  “Yeah,” I said. “Thanks so much for dinner.” I flashed her the best smile I could and turned to go downstairs. I hoped my brothers had been smart and left me the spot next to Eden. They didn’t disappoint, and I sank beside her, twining my fingers through hers.

  * * *

  Sometime later, something hot tracked across my face. My name came with it, a low sound I could barely hear.

  “Wake up, Grayson.”

  I jolted awake, the shapes in Eden’s TV room coming into focus one at a time. The rectangular television. The tall lamp, the light being pushed toward the ceiling in a circular shape. The various blobs of beanbags on the floor beyond Josh.

  Josh.

  The feel of Eden next to me suddenly seemed absolutely scandalous, especially with the scowl on Josh’s face. I definitely saw that.

  I flew into action, but it was hard with Eden all curled into my side the way she was. She hadn’t moved, and she’d fallen asleep too.

  “What time is it?” I asked, noticing that we’d all conked out.

  Josh sat on the coffee table a few feet from me and picked up a few kernels of leftover caramel popcorn. “It’s only nine-forty-five.”

  I sighed like he’d said it was three-thirty in the morning. The exhaustion pressed against the adrenaline that had risen with my awakening. “It’s been a long week.”

  “Yeah.” Josh shrugged out of his jacket. “My mom said you were down here. Came to dinner.”

  I met his eyes, the truth surging to the back of my throat. “Yeah. My house isn’t somewhere any of us want to be.”

  “Your mom?”

  I leaned my head back against the couch and closed my eyes. It would make talking easier. “She’s gone. My aunt and uncle came yesterday. Dad took the day off and everything. She’s staying with my aunt in Washington until the rehab program starts next week.”

  Josh made no noise, and I didn’t dare open my eyes to judge his reaction. He knew more than anyone about my messed up family, the truth behind the closed doors. But I’d never told him everything. A sense of relief that part of this secret was out poured through me.

  “Rehab,” Josh finally repeated, the word barely loud enough to register in my ears.

  “It’s time.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Those words in such a non-judgmental tone made my eyes pop open, and somehow that made Eden shift in my arms. I tightened my fingers on her upper arm, and Josh saw it. He glanced back to me, open curiosity on his face.

  “You wanna hang out tomorrow?” I asked, thinking of Eden’s note in my locker, thinking I needed to come up with an explanation for how I was going to handle Eden when I graduated. “Do you have to work?”

  “I’m opening. I’ll be done by four.”

  “We can go to a movie, maybe hit at the batting cages, whatever you want.”

  “Yeah, sure.” Josh glanced around at my sleeping brothers. “Is your dad home?”

  “I doubt it.” He hadn’t called or texted, and I hadn’t left a note. If he’d made it home, I’d have heard from him.

  “You guys want to sleep here tonight?”

  “Yeah.” I closed my eyes again, thinking maybe tonight I’d get some real rest. “That would be great.”

  “I’ll get some blankets and get the beds set up.”

  “Thanks,” I managed to say before he got up and left. Josh was a very good friend, and I couldn’t lose him.

  * * *

  “I want a bacon cheeseburger from Big J’s, and as many tots as I can get,” Josh said as he climbed into my truck on Saturday afternoon.

  “You didn’t get lunch?”

  “It’s crazy in there. We’re having a mid-winter sale.”

  “I hate how we think it’s only mid-winter and it’s almost March.” I pulled away from the curb and joined traffic.

  “I’m never coming back to Idaho,” Josh said to the passenger-side window. “I’m going to live somewhere warm, where it doesn’t snow.”

  “Yeah, lawyers can do that.”

  “Why did your dad stay here, then?”

  “He runs the legal division. Consults everyone, about everything.” I exhaled. “Can’t walk away from the money, I guess.”

  We drove in silence for several blocks to Big J’s on the outskirts of town, just past the last light. I eased to a stop at the red light and cut a glance toward Josh out of the corner of my eye. “So, I don’t know what to do about Eden and college.”

  Josh’s shoulders stiffened. “Maybe you shouldn’t have kissed her then.”

  “I know how to do that.” I grinned, hoping Josh would relax.

  “Sick. She’s my sister.”

  I sobered, my stomach rioting against itself. “I know. And I don’t go around kissing everyone.”

  “And I know that.” He got out of the truck and leaned back in. “You’re a great guy, Grayson. I just…” He looked out the windshield toward the fast food joint. “I don’t know. Eden’s different since the ski trip. Maybe she’ll handle us going to college better than I thought.” He slammed the door.

  I scrambled out of the truck and met him at the entrance. “What do you mean she’s different?”

  “She is. Something happened on that mountain.
”

  “Nothing happened,” I said quickly. “We just climbed it.”

  “Exactly.” Josh stepped up to the counter. “And you can call her from Vegas. Go see her whenever you want.” He ordered, the conversation about Eden clearly over. I let the subject drop, but as I ordered my triple badger special and waited for my food, I wondered why I hadn’t noticed that Eden was different.

  Of course you did, I thought. She said yes when you asked her to prom.

  I’d thought it was because I’d asked, but I realized as a server handed me my peanut butter cup milkshake that Eden had said yes because something was different about her.

  With my ego somewhere near my shoes, I picked up my tray of greasy, fried food and followed Josh to a booth in the corner. My exhale as I sat must have alerted him to my distress, because he said, “What?”

  I shook my head. “You’re right. Eden is different.”

  Josh picked up a gooey cheese fry and said, “You’ll still like her,” with a smile. He didn’t seem upset, but the concern he carried for his sister was evident. “So, have you talked to your dad yet?”

  I rolled my eyes. “He called about midnight. He’s fine. We’re fine. Mom’s fine.” With the triple-fine in play, Josh focused on his food. Thankfully.

  Texting between girls:

  Mona: We’re going to a movie at four. Want to come?

  Eden: What movie? My mom will ask.

  Mona: That new alien one.

  Eden: Let me check.

  Five minutes later:

  Eden: I’m in.

  Mona: Great! I’m going to the mall to look at prom dresses. You should come.

  Eden: Can you drive?

  Mona: See you at noon.

  23

  Eden

  I had no idea what to wear when shopping at the mall with friends. Sierra hated the drive up the mountain to the only shopping center worth browsing. She preferred the little shops right here in Collinworth—or ordering online. She also had a knack with a sewing machine I didn’t understand. I couldn’t even sew a straight line to make a pillowcase.

  My bed held the entire contents of my closet, and I still didn’t know what to wear. In the end, I didn’t change out of the joggers I’d been wearing since taking Bubba for a walk that morning. I paired them with an overly large sweatshirt, hoping I could get out of the house without a coat.

  I braided my hair and brushed my teeth, glad Grayson had left at the same time Josh had gone to work that morning. We’d sat next to each other while eating cereal, but he hadn’t touched me. Hadn’t kissed me, which I was actually grateful for. No one wants to share their Lucky Charm breath with their boyfriend.

  And there was that pesky B-word again. I pushed it away in favor of tying my favorite pair of boots. I was severely underdressed, a fact I learned as soon as I opened the door to find Mona standing on the front porch wearing a pair of gray leggings under a bright yellow dress. A gray sweater hugged her shoulders and she wore open-toed sandals. In late February.

  “Mom, I’m going.”

  “Wait,” she called, dashing my hopes of leaving the house without a circus. Sure enough, she brought both girls with her, and Bubba, the biggest black lab on the planet. Mona clearly wasn’t a dog person, because she retreated to the edge of the steps and forced a smile to her lips.

  She was nice, and she answered Mom’s four questions satisfactorily, and we managed to get back to her car. “I should’ve told you to text me,” I said. “Sorry, my mom’s a little intense.”

  Mona waved her hand like what I’d said was nonsense. “It’s fine. What color are you thinking for your dress?”

  I hadn’t actually thought about it. I realized as she performed a rolling stop through the sign at the end of my street that I should have. Normal girls probably did. “What about blue?” I asked. “I think I look good in blue.”

  “It looks nice with your hair.” Mona flashed me a smile before turning to go up the canyon. My mind wandered to the last time I’d been headed this way, who’d been driving, what had happened.

  I startled when I realized I hadn’t thought about my father in a couple of days. Maybe longer. He used to dominate my thoughts, guide my every decision. For a few minutes, I felt lost, like I couldn’t find my way through life without my dad. I had his letter memorized, but the usual bits and pieces that always came to mind seemed a little dimmer than before. Less powerful.

  I wasn’t sure if I should be happy about that or not. Mona waved her hand in front of my face. “Are you with me?” She laughed, and I banished the thoughts of my father and his letter to the recesses of my mind.

  If I only got one day out of the house, I wasn’t going to waste it worrying. At least not about him. As Mona parked and we started browsing in the dress shop, I wondered if there was any way I could find something in my budget.

  Mona didn’t seem to have a budget. She tried on everything she liked, and after a few minutes, I did too. In the end, she said, “I can’t afford anything here. But I really like that red one.”

  “It looked great with your dark hair.”

  “And that navy one was stunning on you.”

  “If I had six hundred dollars, I’d get it.” I sighed as we exited the store and turned our faces into the wind. “But I don’t. I need something more affordable.”

  “Let’s try the department store at the end there.” Mona skipped a couple of paces ahead of me, and I smiled. Was I being too frivolous? Too carefree? How would my dad want me to act here?

  “Come on,” Mona called.

  And with only the briefest of second thoughts, I went.

  * * *

  “So wait.” Mona leaned forward, her waffle fries forgotten, her dark eyes sparking with curiosity. “You said yes to two boys?”

  I groaned and laid my head in my arms, though the table in the food court had to be covered in germs. Grayson would die here. “It sounds terrible when you say it out loud.”

  Mona tipped her head back and laughed. “You’re quirky.”

  “It’s not quirky.” I straightened. “It was just a mistake. An innocent mistake. Grayson asked me at lunch, and I said yes. Then JJ asked after school. I was on this huge high from lunch, and sort of stunned, and everything happened so fast…”

  “But you managed to say yes to both guys?”

  I nodded, the despair over my prom situation ascending. “What am I going to do?”

  Mona shook her head, a laugh in the back of her throat. “No wonder JJ looked like he was going to kill someone at lunch. He asked Thea about you and Grayson after you guys left.”

  Ice filled my chest. “What did she say?”

  “Nothing. Said she didn’t know.”

  Something didn’t feel right—of course it didn’t. “I can’t go to the prom with two guys.”

  “How long have you guys been here?”

  I jumped and looked up to find Thea standing next to our table. She eyed the two dress bags hanging off the back of one of the chairs. She too wore a flirty, fun dress and a pair of sandals. I’d obviously missed the memo about proper shopping attire, and my stomach squirmed. I wondered how many other things I’d missed when I was sitting in my crackerbox-sized room, reading my dad’s letter for the millionth time.

  She slitted her eyes at me. “And what’s going on with you and prom?”

  “Nothing,” I said quickly, shooting a glance at Mona that said, Please don’t say anything. Please, please, please.

  “Couple of hours.” Mona jumped up from the table. “Look what I got for prom.” She unzipped the bag to reveal the deep red dress. The skirt fell all the way to her feet, and the midriff showed a three-inch band of skin before the top started again. The whole thing was covered in lace, and Mona had looked like a goddess in it.

  Thea’s attention lingered on me for several long seconds—long enough for me to wither under it and for me to stress mightily about what she was thinking—and then she drank in Mona’s dress. A smile stretched across her f
ace. “It’s amazing. Greg is going to love it.”

  “I don’t care about Greg.” Mona zipped the bag closed. “I bought it because I like it.”

  When she’d asked me if I liked the blue dress I found, I hadn’t been sure how to answer. I’d been thinking about my father, my mother, Grayson, Josh, JJ, everyone at the dance. What they would all think of the dress, of me when I showed up wearing it. I’d shrugged, but Mona had pressed the issue.

  In the end, I said I bought the dress because I liked it, same as her.

  “What’d you get?” Thea asked, her soft eyes hardening as she looked at me. I showed her my dress—all silk with an A-line waist and more sequins on the bodice than should be legal.

  “It’s pretty,” she said, almost dismissively, before she sat in the other chair. “Where’s Lyla?”

  “She couldn’t come. Her mom wouldn’t let her skip babysitting.” Mona gestured to the row of restaurants behind us. “You want something? My mom gave me money for everyone.”

  “Sure.” Thea glanced toward the juice bar. “I’ll take the mango pineapple smoothie.” She started to get up.

  “I got it.” Mona sent a smile in her direction, and it seemed genuine and warm. A tremor ran through me once I was alone with Thea. I had no idea what to say to her, what questions to ask. She’d moved to Collinworth when we were in eighth grade, but I’d had Sierra, and never needed anyone else.

  “Who asked you to prom?” I finally asked.

  She trained her blue eyes on me, and they felt like ice. “I haven’t been asked.” She glanced toward where Mona stood in line at the juice bar. “Probably why Mona didn’t invite me to come shopping.”

  I swallowed, unsure of what a placating response could be. If Thea found out I had two dates when she didn’t even have one… My pulse raced like it was trying to win the Kentucky Derby. “I’m—”

  “She’s invited me before though.” Thea tossed her sandy hair over her shoulder. It was so straight, she must have ironed it for an hour. “Even if I didn’t have a date. She trusts my opinion.”