She Loves Him...Not Page 11

  “Oh.” Alan looked back and forth between Teagan and Gwen. “I just thought…you always said…. Never mind. Come order.” He bustled around the counter and positioned himself behind the cash register. When he looked at them again, all traces of his surprise had vanished.

  Gwen really wanted to ask what Teagan had always said, but she looked up to the menu and found the Ham and Hatch Sandwiches. There were six listed, and they all screamed Teagan, what with their poppyseed buns and mustard aiolis.

  “I’ll have the Triple T,” she said. “Is that T for Teagan?”

  “Maybe,” he said with a smile that seemed a little strained around the edges. Of course it was. He’d been standing right here when Alan had thought she was his daughter’s mother.

  What had he always said?

  “Dinner at seven?” he asked later, as he placed her suitcase just inside her front door.

  “Yep,” she said. “I’ll already be at the inn. I’m meeting my sister there this afternoon.”

  “I’ll see you then.”

  She leaned into his kiss, and she waved as he sighed and backed away before turning to return to his car. He drove away, and Gwen went inside and closed the door. Midnight and Joey had come to greet her, but she couldn’t bring herself to bend down and pat them. Midnight kept jumping on her, and finally Gwen leaned down and said hello.

  “Did you guys miss me?” she asked. “Did you? Didn’t Celeste play with you? Didn’t she?”

  The dogs finally calmed, and Gwen looked around the house. It looked the same as always. The air conditioning blew. The sun shone in the windows. For some reason, she expected things to be different. She felt so different than she had ten days ago.

  After towing her suitcase down the hall and into her bedroom, she returned to the kitchen and scooped the tiny black dog into her arms. “Come on, guys. Let’s go sit on the porch.”

  She had missed her time in the evenings with the dogs. They were good friends, and they were always happy to see her, and they didn’t have a hard time expressing their feelings.

  Midnight curled up on her lap, and Joey jumped up right next to her, putting his heavy head on her lap. She stroked them both, her thoughts turning around Teagan. He’d said nothing about why Alan would think she was Abby’s mother.

  “Could just be a simple misunderstanding,” she said to herself. But she still wanted to know. She’d let tough conversations slide for several days now, so she pulled out her phone and called Teagan.

  “Hey,” he said. “Did you leave something in my car?”

  “No,” she said. “I want to know why Alan thought I was Abby’s mom.” Her heart pounded in her chest, but this was important. Somehow, she needed to know.

  “I don’t know.”

  “You’re not a great liar,” she said, stung that he thought he could lie to her at this point in their relationship.

  “I’ve heard that before,” he said.

  “Okay, then there’s a reason, and you know what it is.” Gwen didn’t want to play games, and she didn’t think Teagan wanted to either. He simply didn’t want to talk about hard things at all. Ever.

  But he has, she told herself in the silence following her statement. He’d talked to her about children and his daughter and his family issues. Well, some of them. He’d mentioned quite a bit about his previous relationship with Caroline Faye, and Gwen liked the man he was now.

  After all, everyone had a past. Those experiences shaped a person, helped them learn what they wanted and didn’t want.

  He still hadn’t spoken, and Gwen wanted to bail him out. But she held on and waited a moment longer. Then another moment. “You don’t want to tell me,” she said.

  “Not right now,” he said.

  “All right,” she said, though she wasn’t sure how anything he still hadn’t told her would be worse or more dangerous to their relationship than what he’d already confided. “I’ll see you at dinner, then.” She hung up before he could say more, and she wasn’t surprised when he didn’t text or call.

  She’d given him an out, and he’d taken it.

  Gwen felt like she’d gone backward ten steps in the span of ten minutes. And they’d barely gone forward five steps on this trip. It seemed like every step they took toward a happy and fulfilling relationship required the navigation of a pothole, some deeper than others. A few feet backward. Then forward again.

  She wasn’t afraid of the journey, but she did wonder if it was worth it. Would there be something worthwhile at the end of the path? Or would she end up with a broken heart all over again?

  Chapter Eighteen

  Teagan paced in the short hallway that led to the kitchen. Gwen wasn’t in her office, and he was early to meet her at the inn for dinner. He still had no idea how to tell her that he’d once told Alan that the only woman he could see himself with was Caroline Faye.

  Even after they’d broken up, he’d wanted her back. He’d returned to the Shores a couple of times, and he’d sat with Alan for a few hours during a slow time at the breakfast shop. He’d told him that he’d never be happy with anyone besides his daughter’s mother.

  But he hadn’t met Gwen Heartwood yet, and those words had been spoken by a much younger man, who really had no idea what he was talking about.

  “Seems like you do that a lot,” he muttered to himself. He turned when he got to the door that led into the kitchen, and he’d only taken a couple of steps before Gwen rounded the corner.

  “Oh,” she said, freezing on the spot. “You’re here already.”

  He had no idea what to say to her now, just like he hadn’t earlier when she’d called. “I got here early,” he said, cursing himself for not being able to be the kind of man she needed. The kind of man she wanted. The kind of man she deserved.

  “I’ve been thinking a lot,” Gwen said, twisting her fingers around themselves. “And it feels like we’ve regressed to where we were last time you broke up with me.”

  “No,” he said, but Gwen started nodding.

  “You said on the trip that you needed to see someone. I think….” She swallowed and looked away. “I think you should do that, Teagan. Take care of yourself. And then we can try again.”

  “I don’t need to do that,” he said.

  She nodded. “Yeah, maybe not. You get to decide.” She lifted her chin and looked him right in the eyes. Hers were so bright, and so pretty, and he felt like she was carving his heart out of his chest with every word she said. “I like this man you are now, but I don’t think he’s whole. And I want all of you.” She fell back a step. “So I’m going to cancel dinner, and I guess I’ll see you at work tomorrow morning.”

  “Gwen,” he said, feeling every cell in his body start to wail. “Don’t do this.”

  “I want you, Teagan,” she said. “But I want all of you. Not just the parts you feel like telling me. I want who you were twenty years ago, and who you are now. And I don’t think you’re ready for all of that.”

  He couldn’t argue with her. He was ready for part of it. If he could just be who he was now, he’d be fine. But he was the culmination of all thirty-nine years of his life.

  And besides, Gwen was right. She deserved all of him. I want you, Teagan.

  “I’ll see you at work,” she said, and then she turned and went back the way she’d come. He stayed in the hallway, his fingers clenching and unclenching, wondering what to do now.

  He couldn’t stay right there in the hall, so he followed Gwen, turning left when she’d gone right. That hall took him toward the main entrance to Redfin, but he bypassed that and continued outside.

  Gwen was right; the beach here felt full of energy and vibrancy, despite not having any more people than the one at the Shores.

  He didn’t have anywhere else to go, but at least he wouldn’t run into Gwen out here. He found an empty chaise and sat down, just watching the waves until it got too dark to see them. Then he went home.

  The following morning found him pushing into the kitchen
from the outside entrance, the metal door slamming behind him. He hadn’t had to use his key, which meant one thing: Gwen had beaten him to work. He usually arrived before her, but he hadn’t fallen asleep until two-thirty, so when his alarm had gone off two hours later, the first thing he’d done was hit snooze.

  The scent of her fruity, floral perfume filled the air, and he couldn’t stop himself from looking over to her office. The door was open, as it usually was, and he hung his keys by the door and continued into the kitchen. He’d worked here for six months without even talking to her after their last break-up, and he could do this.

  Maybe.

  Last time, the break-up had been his choice, and he’d beaten himself up for it every day. But this time…this time it’s your fault too, he told himself as he got out his knives and set everything in order.

  He couldn’t think about a dish for that night, and he opened the binder of what Gordon had been doing for the past ten days. The door opened, and in walked the man himself.

  “Hey,” Gordon said with a laugh. “How was your trip?”

  “Great.” Teagan grinned at Gordon and shook his hand. “How did things go here?”

  “Just fine. Everything’s in there.”

  “I’m feeling…jetlagged,” he said. “Will you set the specials for this week too?”

  “Jetlagged?” Gordon peered at him, suspicion and concern in his eyes. “Didn’t you drive like, two hours?”

  “Three,” Teagan said. “I’m just tired and need a few days to get back up to speed.”

  “I’ll set the specials,” Gordon said. “Put in the order to Gwen.”

  “Thanks,” Teagan said. “You tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”

  Gordon steepled his fingers and cackled as if he were an evil madman. “You might regret this.”

  Teagan laughed, a slip of happiness moving through him. But he knew he himself wasn’t happy. It was just a feeling that would fade as quickly as it had came. No, in order for him to be truly happy—be a happy person, not just experience a few moments of happiness—he needed to do what Gwen had suggested.

  He needed to see a counselor and work out his past feelings.

  “Morning, Gordon,” Gwen said, and Teagan jerked his attention to her. She wore her professional black slacks and a pair of flat, black sneakers. Her chef’s coat was buttoned precisely, and she’d wound her hair up in her classic bun. “Hi, Teagan.”

  “Gwen,” he said at the same time Gordon engulfed her in a hug.

  “Teagan said I can play head chef for another week,” Gordon said. “I’ll have an order to you before I leave today.”

  Gwen’s eyebrows went up and her gaze wandered back to Teagan. “All right. Sounds great, Gordon. Tell me where you want me on prep.”

  “I like this post-vacation version of you two,” he said, grinning at them, obviously not feeling any of the tension skyrocketing through Teagan. “So relaxed.”

  Gwen managed a giggle—the same one that made Teagan want to pull her into her office and kiss her—but Teagan just shook his head and smiled.

  When he got off that morning, he did the same things he always did after work: he showered, he made lunch for himself, and he put in a load of laundry. Then he did something he hadn’t done in a long, long time.

  He logged onto his health insurance provider and got a referral for a mental health professional. Then, keeping his courage as close as he could, he managed to dial the number for Doctor Curtis and set up an appointment for later that week.

  I want you, Teagan.

  And he wanted Gwen.

  But first, he had to become the man she deserved.

  He went to work each morning, and the space between him and Gwen was too big for him, but it wasn’t as awkward as it had been last time. He worked under Gordon and revived his drive for cooking, making next week’s menu and turning in the grocery list to Gwen on Thursday morning.

  And that afternoon, he showered, made himself lunch, and went to his first appointment with Doctor Curtis. He didn’t quite know what to expect, but he knew he’d have to talk a lot. His nerves bounced around in his muscles and veins as he waited in the office, and when his name was called, he could hardly stand up.

  But stand up he did, and he walked into the office too. A man wearing a sweater vest rose from behind a table, and Teagan stalled. “Hello,” he said, surprised for some reason. “I thought…never mind.”

  “I was a woman.” Doctor Curtis smiled and approached him. “I get that a lot. I’ve asked my mom a dozen times why she thought Tracy was a good name for a boy.” He chuckled and stepped forward to shake Teagan’s hand. “If you’d rather see a woman, I can give you a referral.”

  “No, I’m fine,” Teagan said, some of the initial shock wearing off. “Nice to meet you. I’m Teagan Hatch.”

  “I’ve eaten at Redfin many times,” Doctor Curtis said. “That’s your food, right?”

  “It takes a team of people to run a restaurant,” he said, moving over to the couch and sitting down.

  “So you’re not here to learn humility,” Doctor Curtis said, smiling as he sat in the recliner opposite of Teagan. “Tell me why you are here.”

  He swallowed. Took a deep breath. Gathered his courage. And said, “I’m in love with a woman, and I need to fix some things before I try to get her back.”

  “Can I talk to you for a sec?” he asked Gwen later that night. They’d just finished another successful dinner service, and he was feeling more and more like his old self in the kitchen.

  She looked at him, her blue eyes sharp and wary at the same time. “I suppose. In private?”

  “Yes, please.” He glanced down the line where Lauren was still cleaning up her station.

  Gwen nodded and strode toward her office. Teagan watched her for a moment, a wave of appreciation flowing over him. Last time they’d split up, everything between them was shattered. He knew he’d caused that breakage—and this one too—but this time it wasn’t as bad. He was stronger. Or Gwen was. Or something.

  Maybe he just knew her better. Knew what he wanted better.

  He followed her into the office but didn’t close the door. “Okay, so I know I just had ten days off, but I’m going to beg for another few days.”

  “Oh.” Gwen’s eyebrows lifted. “You want time off. I wasn’t expecting that.”

  “What were you expecting?”

  “I have no idea.” She sighed as she sat behind her desk. She ran her fingers along her forehead as if she had an ache there she couldn’t soothe. Teagan wanted to fix everything for her, but he couldn’t do that.

  Thankfully, his hour with Doctor Curtis that day had helped him see what he could fix. He cleared his throat. “I need to go to California for a quick trip.”

  That statement brought Gwen’s eyes right back to his, questions and curiosity swimming in those ocean-colored depths now. “Oh?”

  Teagan nodded and sat down, his head feeling bobbly and wobbly. “I need to talk to my daughter. I need to talk to my ex-wife. I need to find some closure there. Ask for some forgiveness.” He gazed evenly at her. “I’m trying, Gwen.”

  He was trying, and he was so miserable at the same time. Being in this office with her felt like self-inflicted torture.

  “How much time do you need?” she asked. “And when?” She opened a drawer and pulled out the long sheet of paper she used to schedule things in the kitchen.

  “I can go any time,” he said. “Whenever it’s most convenient for you.”

  “Okay.” She hummed as she looked at the schedule. “Celeste has the Wilder wedding coming up. I need you for that.” She glanced at him. “Could you go on the fourteenth?”

  Teagan swiped on his phone and started tapping to get to the calendar. “That’s over two weeks away.”

  “We have a family reunion this week,” she said. “I need you for that. And we have that swimming club coming next week, with the wedding right on top of that.”

  Teagan’s disappointment cu
t through him, but he masked it as well as he could. Gwen probably saw it, but he wasn’t sure. And he wasn’t going to ask. “October fourteenth is fine,” he said.

  “And we have the Halloween carnival starting on the twenty-first. Is seven days enough time?”

  Teagan sincerely hoped so, and he nodded, made a note in his calendar app, and stood up. “Yes. Thank you, Gwen.” He started to leave, but she said his name, causing him to turn back. He really liked it when she said his name with so much emotion behind it. “Yeah?”

  She stood up too. “I really hope you can find the closure you need in California.”

  He did too, and he nodded again before leaving the office. He didn’t need to just go to California to make things right, but he didn’t want to tell her he had to return to the Shores and face his mother.

  He’d tell her after it was all said and done. When he was on her front steps, asking her to go out with him again. When he was the man she needed him to be.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “I feel like a complete jerk,” Gwen said into her coffee mug. She didn’t drink coffee in the evening, but then again, she wasn’t normally home at this time of night either. Celeste’s boyfriend was bringing dinner, and Gwen’s stomach growled.

  “Why?” her sister asked. “Because you told Teagan what you needed? Better now than after you’re married, right?”

  Married. Gwen wasn’t sure that was going to happen for her. She hadn’t been able to focus on anyone but Teagan for almost a year now, and she felt time slipping away from her.

  “Right?” Celeste prompted. Her older sister could be a bit intense sometimes.

  “I suppose,” Gwen said as something clunked against the floor. “He has one of your shoes.”

  “Joey.” Celeste flew from her seat at the table and toward the dog. “No. Shoes are not for dogs.” She started wrestling the pale pink wedge from the mutt’s mouth, finally succeeding with a huff as the doorbell rang.

  Gwen should’ve gotten up to help her, but well, she wasn’t feeling much like doing anything at the moment. Celeste sighed as she wiped her hair out of her face and looked at the door as her boyfriend entered, a couple of bags clutched in his hands.